Probably the longest blog I've ever written!

I was on myspace looking at the people who went to my high school and I went to the grade my brother graduated from. I found some girl with the name "Fitzy" and I thought maybe she was the sister of the girl who was my best friend in middle and high school. So I emailed her to ask her if that was her name. She wrote me back to say it was and wanted to know who I was.

I told her that her sister used to be my best friend and her brother was my bf in 7th grade. She wrote back and said she remembered me. That's cool. She told me a little of what her sister is up to and told me which school she now works at. So I went to that school website and looked in the faculty email list. I found her!

So I sent her an email to say hi and to see what was up... 11 years later! Finally today she wrote me back. That put a smile on my face LOL She found me on myspace and put in a friend request to me. Of course, I accepted. She SO looks the same. LOL It's wild.

The thing about this girl is that it was my boyfriend that came between us. He was very controlling and emotionally abusive. He went to a different high school than us, but knew several people who went there. He never let me talk to other dudes. He was very strict about that. He said that some of his friends are in my classes, and he won't tell me who, and they report back to him when I talk to other dudes. I'm also a very honest person and I would confess when I did.

Well, like any normal girl, this best friend of mine had guy friends. God forbid they talked to me. I wasn't allowed to talk back. If one of my friends invited a guy to sit with us at lunch, I got mad at them and had to move to another table. I wasn't allowed to sit with another guy at lunch. Yes, this all sounds SO absurd. Even he admits it to this day.

Junior and senior year of high school he transfered to my school. It was him and I everywhere. He was in 90% of my classes and he sat with me at lunch every day. When he came to my school, basically all of my friend ships with other people had to end. Including this girl. She was my friend the longest. I was sad, but at the same time I was mad at her too because she was never there for me. She never gave me support and always criticized me for letting him do that to me. I see where she was coming from. I guess I just wanted help but didn't know how to get it. With hardly any friends of my own (they were all his) I felt so alone and accepted this was how I had to live.

At home it wasn't any better. I had to stay in my bedroom unless I had to go to the bathroom or if I was with him. Literally. A few examples of this absurdity was one Christmas my mom and brother were going to put the Christmas tree up. Since he had to work I stayed home. He didn't like my family and they didn't like him so I wasn't allowed to be with my family. Not even to put the Christmas tree up. I decided I really wanted to be out there decorating so I went out anyways. While he was at work he called me CONSTANTLY to check up on what I was doing. He called when I was in the living room and my mom answered the phone. That was a BIG no no. I was the only one allowed to answer the phone. So when I got on the phone he really let me have it. I told him I was just getting supper because I was hungry. He called me a liar and said I was out decorating the tree (like I asked to do earlier). I admitted I was and he was SO mad at me for days.

Another absurdity was the one time my mom bought me a bunch of clothes. He had to work that night and said I couldn't wear them to school until he looked at them first. To make sure I wasn't dressing like a whore. There was one conservative outfit I just LOVED and wore to school the next day anyways. I watched in horror as the bus pulled up to our house and he was standing there at the bus stop. I got off the bus and he knew what I did. Of course, he said I looked like a whore although that SO wasn't the kind of outfit I was wearing.

He loosened up on me, but tightened up in other ways, after I had our son my senior year of high school. I couldn't be in my room as much because I had a newborn baby. I had to make bottles and stuff. So I was allowed to leave my room for that. I convinced him to let me go in the living room to sit in the rocking chair to rock our son. The day my son was born was the happiest day of my life by far at this point. I wasn't alone anymore. I was in control of SOMETHING in my life. I pampered my baby so much and loved him. I rocked him every chance I could get and hardly ever put him down.

After we graduated, he joined the Navy. When he got out of basic training we got married. He was stationed in Virginia Beach, VA. I loved it so much there. I felt like I could leave my old life behind. Of course, his absurd behavior continued. To him, I was sleeping with everyones husband and all the sailors on base. I don't know how I could because no one was allowed in the house and I STILL didn't have my drivers license. He wouldn't let me get it because there was no reason for me to drive anywhere unless he was with me. One day right after we moved in one of our upstairs neighbors came down to our apartment while my husband had duty at the base across the street. He was taking their trash out, and as a friendly gesture, offered to take ours out as well. Since we just moved in I had alot of trash and appreciated the offer. When he came back in to get more of our trash my husband walked in! Yeah, you guessed it. I was accused of sleeping with this dude... blah blah blah. It was like this for years. The same game.

The time came when he had to go out to sea for his Mediterranean cruise assignment. Since I worked and had NO family around, he had to allow me to get my drivers license. I also had a WebTV unit so I could email him on the ship. I hated to see him go and I was scared to have to do everything on my own with a child. I was only 20 years old with no family and a small income. Looking back on it I can't believe I didn't apply for food stamps or something. But I don't believe in people living on those things unless ABSOLUTELY necessary and even then only short term.

While he was gone a whole new world opened up to me. I loved going to the ocean with my son. The ocean was amazing to me and I miss it so bad even to this day. It's almost like a representation of life to me. And independence. As hard as it was I survived without him for 6 months. I met so many people online and began to "socialize". It sounds twisted but this was the most interaction I had with people in the 6 years since I met him. I met people in person and had such a wonderful time. Life was great. I missed him so bad, but life was good.

One thing he told me was to not start smoking. If I did, he'd divorce me. So out of rebellion, I guess, I started smoking. I quit cold turkey though the night before he came back. And used about 5 things of Febreze LOL I never smoked around our son. I made sure of that. But when I was at work on break or in the car alone I smoked and smoked and loved it!

Another thing about him being out to sea, he told me I better not be like the rest of the Navy wives and get fat while he was gone. I was only like 130, which was obese to him. But I was scared of getting fatter. So I became real bulimic while he was gone. One night my son walked in on me making myself throw up. I tried to play it off. I realized the consequences of my actions one day when I walked into the bathroom when he was in there. He had his finger in his mouth like he saw me doing! I stopped the bulimia that day. It still upsets me to this day. I can't believe my son saw that.

One thing he also did while overseas was ran our bank account so far in the ground that when he got paid it was only to cover the overdraft charges. My son and I hardly had any food. The food we did have went to him. I guess that last month I went from bulimic to anorexic. Finally my boss, who was also a good friend of mine (my husband didn't mind because he was gay and he figured he wouldn't be interested in me) told me to take the day off with pay, go over to the bank, and set up my OWN bank account. One my husband didn't have access to and didn't know about, that I could deposit my paychecks in so I could get bills paid and to buy groceries. That worked out so nicely. In fact, our joint bank closed in the negative and neither one of us was allowed to open a bank account for 7 years.

The day came when he was returning from overseas. I was excited to have him back but 99% of me was scared out of my mind. Horrified of what might be unacceptable to him. I had to let go of the online "social network" I had. The minute he got in the car he noticed one little bit of cigarette ash on the center console. He asked if I started smoking and I admitted that I did, but that I quit and promised never to do it again. He was so mad. So far, not off to a good start.

When he got home things seemed so different with him. He accused me of having men over because there was a little bit of urine "out of place" for a woman. I told him it was probably from our son, who was potty training at the time. This was the truth.

As time went on I realized he had SO much rage in him. He changed so bad when he was gone. I think the whole 6 months he felt out of control of me and he finally had control when I got back. It was around Christmas time when he came back, and the time of my 21st birthday. I wanted to go to the mall to see about buying stuff for him for Christmas and I didn't want him there with me. Can you believe I had to track my minutes and mileage on the car so he knew exactly how much I drove at which point? While I was at the mall I had to call him from a pay phone periodically so he could hear the "background".

My 21st birthday was definitely memorable. He promised me the whole time he was out to sea that him and some sailors were going to have a wild party for me. I was so excited and thought about it all the time. We got into a fight though the days leading up to my birthday. There was no party being planned. There never was. All I got for my birthday was the first real beating of my life. I stood up to him. Right to his face that night. He didn't like a woman being tall up to him and he hit me down to the ground. As I was down I spit at him. That earned me a few more slaps. He dared me to spit at him again. I think what was going through my head up until now was I hurt so bad inside. Might as well fight my battle. I'll take the hits. Maybe it will numb how I hurt inside.

I think it did the exact opposite. I hurt even more. I wasn't like bruised and bloody all over. It wasn't like that. Yeah I had some bruises. But emotionally I hurt way more. I kept telling myself "WTF are you doing?! This isn't you! You want to be a doctor, you have a child you live for, you are SO much better than this!"

For the next 7 months things still sucked, but I made it work. Life went back to being how it always was. He hit me less and less as time went on. But I was so depressed. At the same I was in the part of the world I was the happiest. I want to go back so bad and relive my life. If death is how I think it is, I want to fly over Virginia Beach.

After he left the Navy we moved to North Carolina. We lived in his brother's friend's 1 bedroom apartment (he moved out but didn't want to break his lease, so we stayed until it ran out with the blessing of the apartment manager). My husband got a job that kept him out of town most of the time. He came home for a little bit on Friday nights so I could go to the store to get groceries for the upcoming week. It was just me and our son all the time. We were happy together. We were all we needed in the world. I didn't know anyone in this new city outside of Raleigh. No one was home during the day, they all worked. I didn't have a car. My husband took the one car we did own. Heck, we didn't even have a telephone. And he was making $60,000 a year! We were a little in debt up until this point and I was happy to get bills paid off. But I think he really had a hell of a social life with his salary while I sat home with our son.

Life sucked like that until he quit that job. It was too much for him. He worked in the city we lived in, we moved into a brand new 2 bedroom apartment, and I was allowed to get a temp job. I loved being out of the house. I offered to work constantly. I missed my son, but I had to get away. My husband was never hard on our son like he was me so I trusted him.

But one day everything came crashing down hard on me. The job I worked and loved so much was over. The girl I was filling in for on maternity leave decided not to come back and another girl was already in line for it. So I had to leave. I met so many people there (Of course I was accused of sleeping with all 2o0+ male employees there). It was all gone again. I was tired of everything. I was so alone. I was tired. I just gave up. I felt like my son would be better off without me. I took every pill, ephedra diet pills, Tylenol... anything. I was SO sick. I told my husband I OD'd and was trying to kill myself. He was pissed and said I was stupid and then left to go golfing for the weekend with all his friends!!!

Fortunately I lived. I hated him so bad for leaving me. What if I died?! Noone would have checked on me until he came home Sunday night. My son would have been all alone with mommy dead. I was pissed at myself as well.

Finally in 2001 after being together for 9 years he moved out. Turns out he met someone else. HA! How ironic? The one who blamed me extensively for years of cheating on him was the one who left cause he found someone else. A month later I met a man in the Atlanta area who was beyond amazing. I fell hard for him. I kept telling myself that, right now, every man will seem amazing to me. But I never gave up on him.

A year later my son and I moved to Georgia to live closer to this man. Here we are, almost 7 years later. Madly in love, married, and have a 3 year old son who is our world. My ex husband and I are still good friends. He moved back to Ohio. I'll always care for him, but I'll never forget.

I'm also happy to say that I'm 3 years into my adventure to become an RN. I'm finally becoming everything I always wanted to be. I'm so happy. And in another 2 years we're planning to try for one more child. Hopefully a girl!

Healthier Holiday Dessert Recipe

I got this from a diabetes website I checked out. It sounded real good and I decided to make it as a treat for the Thanksgiving get together last week. It got awesome reviews and it was so fun to make with the boys. I highly recommend it to anyone! It's like an apple shortbread.

Caramel Apple Cookie Bites

Ingredients:

Filling: 1/3 cup chopped unpeeled apple 1/3 cup evaporated milk 1/3 cup sugar 1/3 cup chopped walnuts
Dough: 1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened 1/4 cup confectioners' sugar 1/4 cup packed brown sugar 1 egg 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 cups all-purpose flour
Topping: 1 package (14 ounces) caramels 2/3 cup evaporated milk Green toothpicks 1 cup chopped walnuts

Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Mix together apple, milk, sugar, and walnuts in a pot. Cook over medium heat until thick. Let rest.
3. Using electric beaters, mix together butter, confectioners' sugar, and brown sugar. Beat in egg, vanilla, and salt. Slowly add flour in and mix until fully combined.
4. Form mixture into 1-inch spheres. Compress dough with the palm of your hand. Spoon 1/4 teaspoon of apple mixture onto the center of each piece of dough. Fold dough in half and form into balls.
5. Move balls to a greased pan and bake 12 to 15 minutes, dough should be golden. Let cool on wire racks.
6. Pour caramels and milk in a pot and heat over low heat until liquefied. Poke a toothpick into each ball and coat each with caramel mixture. Roll in nuts and let cool. Dip some in chocolate too. Or use bananas as the filling.

Nutritional Information:
Per Serving— Calories: 292 Carbohydrates: 39g Protein: 6g Total Fat: 13g Saturated Fat: 6g Cholesterol: 31mg Fiber: 1g Sodium: 157mg

Diabetes Funny

I thought this was really funny about life as a diabetic:

Bear Fingers – When a finger has been tested to the point of exhaustion and it needs to be rested or "hibernated."

Bouncing – When your bloodsugar drops so low overnight that your living kicks in some glucagons, causing you to bounce from low to high.

Born Again Diabetic – When a person with diabetes fosters a new-found interest in taking care of their health after years of negligence and denial.

Carbonese - The ability to determine the number of carbs in a given food based on the total carbs and the serving size (coined by a 6-year-old child with diabetes who is fluent in Carbonese and can eyeball the carbs without her mother's input).

Clocking In – Another term for "bloodsugar reading." Synonyms include "ringing in" and "reading at."

Daylight Savings Time – See also "Time to Change the Lancet".

Dead Strips – Used blood glucose meter strips found in random spots, i.e. under the seat of your car, on the floor at the gym, in a shoe, in a small gray kitten named Siah's mouth.

Diabetic PMS – When the blood sugar rockets up for no apparent reason for the 2-3 days prior to the start of a woman's cycle. Men may also experience this in a sympathetic mode.

Dotties – When you prick your finger, squeeze, and about five holes show up with blood. See also "Bloody Constellation."

Gusher – When you prick your finger, squeeze, and end up assaulted by your own bloodstream. May also be found when you remove an infusion set.

Hooking – When your pump tubing snags the doorknob and almost rips out.

Interstate BG Checks – Where upon the person with diabetes (while barreling down the interstate above the speed limit) juggles the steering wheel, BG meter, test strip, lancet and a target finger. Commonly occurs in the dark.
I didn't feel when I was driving home from my interview, so I performed an interstate BG check and almost hit a moose.

Larry Bird – Boston Celtic's basketball legend, jersey no. 33. Serves as cardio workout goal time inspiration for many people with diabetes. Often found at the punchline of my sad little quips.
Working out at the gym, I made sure to do Larry Bird on the treadmill.

Low Bowl – The bowl in the kitchen of a person with diabetes filled to the rim with 5-15g fast acting carb treats. Miniature versions are often found in diaper bags for "On The Go" lows.

Nabs – Crackers with peanut butter spread between them. Typically used to follow up glucose tabs in the treatment of a low bloodsugar. Names derived from the Latin "Nabisco", the maker of the most popular peanut butter crackers. Most people with diabetes learn about nabs at diabetes camp.

Officially Scary – Applies to situations, numbers, etc. Defined as any statistic that stretches the perimeters of safety.
While at the gym, I checked at the 33 minute mark and noted that I was at the Officially Scary Number of 37 mg/dl (2.06 mmol/l)!

Panicky Diabetic Syndrome – The use of more than five test strips in a 55-minute period because you aren't confident that your bloodsugar is coming up or down.. Often accompanied by a Rage or Serial Bolus.

Random Bolus – The method of bolusing at random and mildly calculated intervals, i.e. realizing that you may have under-bolused for a meal and opt to course in a unit or two to cover bases.

Rage Bolus – The act of suffering from a high bloodsugar for an extended period of time or for an unknown reason and the retaliatory insulin dose. Oftentimes results in a low bloodsugar.

Real People Sick – The differentiation between bloodsugar issues and the common cold. Phrase slips out most often when the person with diabetes admits to not feeling well and must specify that it is not bloodsugar related.

Regan-Rage – Term comes from the little girl in The Exorcist. Describes the behavior some people with diabetes exhibit when having a low bloodsugar. Regan-rage behaviors include swearing, screaming, spitting of juice, and stretching body parts in unnatural ways.
*Does not include levitating. If your diabetic friend/partner/child should levitate, it is probably not caused by low bloodsugar.

Serial Bolus – Administering bolus upon bolus to bring a bloodsugar down. Often likened to a Rage Bolus, but usually follows the course of multiple hours vs. one huge crank up.

Sleep-Eating – The act of rising from a sound sleep, proceeding to the kitchen and eating anything you can find. A person with diabetes often wakes up while in the process of sleep-eating without being able to figure out how they got to the kitchen or why there is ice cream all over their fingers and face.
Last night, my boyfriend found me sleep-eating again; when he was able to rouse me, I was mortified to find I had eaten a ½ gallon of chocolate ice cream.

Sugar Reaper – A night time hypo that nearly kills you.
I had a visit from the Sugar Reaper last night, which explains the bags under my eyes and the juice stains around my mouth.

S.W.A.G. Bolus – Scientific, Wild Assed Guess bolus. This is where you use more instinct than data to bolus an unexpected or uncalculated meal.

Time to Change the Lancet – Defined as any time when you change the batteries in your smoke detector, reset your clocks, or when the lancet starts to rust

Twilight Zone High – A high with no rational cause.
Despite the fact that I had not eaten anything sweet or missed any insulin, I clocked in at a Twilight Zone High of 330 mg/dl (18.33 mmol/l).

Source: Excerpted and adapted from the blog Six Until Me, authored by dLife columnist Kerri Morrone

Diabetes Damnit Mellius

So I finally got an appointment with an Endocrinologist! His name is Dr Jacobson and I hear he's amazing. It's time to sever ties with my internal medicine dr. They have just been so laid back about my diabetes. How am I supposed to take it seriously and hard core if they don't? Maybe not cut them off altogether. They've taken care of me for 6 years. But I need someone to attack this freaken disease.

I've been fighting with Blue Cross Blue Shield of Georgia for about a month about getting refill strips for my Ascensia Contour Glucose Meter. They won. They won't pay for it because they don't have a contract with Bayer or something. I have to stick with Accu Chek. Good news is Accu Chek sent me a brand new meter, the Aviva. It's much better than the Active that I've been using.

I tried it out after clinicals on Thursday. I figured I'd be kinda low. I ate at 4 am, 12 pm, and here it was 5 pm. My bs was like 96. Very very good. I was happy. I had supper and checked my post-meal bs, which should be around 100-120ish and it was almost 400!! I was so upset. They say that with blood sugars that high you shouldn't really exercise to burn off the extra blood sugar because your system is already stressed to the extreme. But they said if you don't have insulin around, you should just drink alot of water to flush it out. So I laid down, took it easy, and had alot of water. I've got several vials of insulin in the refrigerator but they're expired. Damn.
I've been pretty elevated since then. I guess my blood sugars run really high now. And I found out what I thought was a good a1c (7.2) is actually not good at all. Alot of insulin dependent diabetics find themselves around 5 or 6. I'm upset, but it's time to attack this shit. This endo has a reputation of being pretty tough. Good. I need that. I really see him putting me back on insulin. I hate insulin, but especially with the new pumps out there it sounds like it'll be just what I need. I just want to feel better. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of feeling like I just got ran over by a semi. I want the good blood sugars, I want my kidneys to always work good, and I want to live forever. I don't want to die. I want to be there for my kids and husband forever.

I'm serious about this and I pray to God he helps me through this strong as hell!

I'm going for one hell of a walk...

Baby Crave

Ok, I'm about out of my mind. I SO can't wait to have another baby! I laid down last night to relax and ended up falling asleep. My stomach was hurting and it's like I still felt it in my sleep and incorporated it into my dream. I dreamt that I was laying in bed and my stomach hurt. I reached down to rub it and it was hard and round, like I was 5 months pregnant or something. Then it's like I walked in to the bathroom that's next to our bed to take a pregnancy test and it was positive right away. But I was shocked & scared.

Our plan is to have a baby AFTER I graduate. As bad as I want another baby I'm so scared. I don't know if things are too bad with my diabetes. I had alot of serious complications with my last pregnancy and Colin & I were lucky to come out ok. I know if I get pregnant again I'm likely to repeat those complications.

But this is my plan:
1) Start now with an endocrinologist who will help me take real strict care of the diabetes and get settled on a steady medication and food plan.
2) Get started on a healthy exercise routine. Right now I'm just doing alot of walking, but maybe add more to it. I'd like to get back into dancing.
3) If I need to be back on insulin, so be it. But before I get pregnant I'm going on a pump! I used to inject SO much insulin SO often that I was begging the dr to put me on a pump. That way if I needed more insulin, all I had to do was push a button. Also more convenient being away from home alot. But the dr I had at the time wasn't real familiar with pumps.So I'm hoping that I can get my a1c down (it's at 7.1 now-not cool) and start on a strict medication schedule. In a year I should be in prime shape for a baby! And pray it's a girl.

I've received word from a few people that my doctor will probably discourage me from getting pregnant (and a few said they wouldn't), but I'm motivated to make this work. I just need some words on encouragement!

Feel free to email me with any motivating words!

MRSA Oh My!

For most people MRSA sounds like something out of a horror movie that recently invaded our society. For people who work in health care it's old news. Of course, I'm new to everything and I'm so becoming germaphobic!

My patient this week: 42 year old diabetic with end stage renal disease and a massive MRSA infection on contact isolation.

I was real paranoid at first but I had a suspicion I'd get a patient on contact isolation. I just knew it. Just ask Melissa, she'll tell you. I talked her head off about it the whole way to DeKalb LOL
Anyways, I need to shape up alot when it comes to my diabetes. I'm never exposed to anyone who has it so I don't really have a role model to learn from. And my doctors aren't too strict on me. I've really got to find an endocrinologist. I hear they'll kick my ass for my blood sugars. So I'm thinking that seeing this young patient in end stage renal failure will be an eye opening experience.

My first impression of her was ok. She just received a heafty dose of pain medicine a few hours earlier so she was practically comatose. She didn't have an easy morning. She was throwing up everything she ate. She also has a MRSA infection in one of her eyes. So she requires eye drops EVERY hour. And she has 4 of them, not to mention 2 insulins and about 10 oral meds. And it's up to ME to keep track of them and juggle their administration between AM care, vitals, blood sugar monitoring, and 30 pages of paper work. Not to mention having to complete a drug sheet for each med. On 2 hours of sleep.

But something really kicks in when I wear my uniform and assume the role of a "nurse". It's almost motherly. It's weird. I just feel this intense nurturing feeling. Protective even. Almost whatever I see becomes a non-issue to me. My patient was puking in a basin and it didn't matter to me. She has MRSA and it didn't prevent me from caring for her. I jumped right in.
Today she was much better. The doctor is just keeping her on Morphine for severe pain and she tolerates that better. She talked with me more, we even traded "diabetic stories" LOL What scares me though is she has severe kidney problems and receives dialysis 3 days a week and her diabetes is better controlled than mine! That really scares me. What kind of damage is occuring to my body even as I type this blog?! I'll get to my issues with the insurance company in a little bit.

The nurses I deal with have been excellent. They compliment me so much and believe me, they can be some bitter bitter people. So I really feel honored. I reported to the pts nurse at one point today and she's like "I love a nurse that's on her toes" LOL Then later on the pt asked the nurse and I how much nurses make. I was like "Well, I'm not a good one to ask because I don't make anything" LOL

Like my other patients, I really enjoyed taking care of her. She was a really great lady. She's been hospitalized for several weeks now and I told her to get better and when I come back in 2 weeks she "better not be here when I get back!" She really laughed about that. She wants out of there so bad. Just wants to get back to life again. That MRSA that you hear about is some ugly stuff. It's treatable, but it's still ugly. She got it in her eye and lost vision in that eye. And now she can't hear on that side either. Bad stuff.

Ok, the insurance company. I was using Accu-Chek but wasn't too happy with it. Bayer sent me a free Ascensia Contour and some strips. I love it! So I called my drs office to call in a prescription for more. These things are 50 for $49. Expensive, especially when the dr wants you to test 4 times a day. With insurance I can get 100 for $30. Good deal. Anyways, the dr calls in the prescription and I get to Kmart and they won't give them to me. Blue Cross had an underuse precaution on me. Apparently I don't test my blood sugar enough. Ugh. Ok don't complain that I don't test enough and then not let me get my strips.

So I go home, call the drs office, and tell the nurse what Kmart and Blue Cross is saying. She thinks it's insane. The next day the nurse calls me. Blue Cross faxed them a form about "will I use more than 100 a month?", "have I used this brand in the last 30 days", etc etc. Turns out BCBS has a contract with Accu Chek (Roche) and they really push Roche products. They don't have a contract with Bayer. It's not a "prefered brand". How much BS is that?! Just let me freaken treat my freaken diabetes before I end up in kidney failure and you have to pay much more for my freaken dialysis! Ass wipes.

Anyways, 3 days go by and I FINALLY get a call from the drs office. BCBS doesn't mind if I get that brand of strips. ARRRRRRRRRRRGH! A fuggin week to get strips.